Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
