I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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