i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
honey bunches of taint.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
