when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
