We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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