I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
