you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
