Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
