My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
