remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
