Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Operation Purity has been aborted
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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