Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
