I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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