i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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