I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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