U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I smell stomach acid.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
