matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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