did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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