i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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