She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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