lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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