i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
