I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
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I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
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I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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