We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
