Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
