Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i came on her dog
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
