Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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