Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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