If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
