She said her name was "party"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
