Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
