My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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