That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
