The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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