if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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