I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
