At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
