we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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