i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
