Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
