She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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