I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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