I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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