She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
