saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I fill condoms, not promises.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
