So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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