Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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