Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Enjoy the penises
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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