we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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