the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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