note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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