I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
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Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
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i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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