im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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