just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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