We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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