I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
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Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
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I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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