Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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