Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
