My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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