my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
