would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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