I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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