Small penises have feelings too.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
