My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
