We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
