never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
