it's too hot outside to masturbate.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
