I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
