So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
sarcasm needs its own font
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
