youre lurking in front of me
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
