god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
